I don’t know about you, but dodge-ball is as close to hell as it can get during youth group. Nothing says “I love Jesus” than getting smoked in the face with a big, rubber ball or having to get skin grafts for all the rug burns. Maybe I’m just bitter. That happens when you lose too many times at that game. You know the worst part? The chaos. There’s one rule: Bean the other kids. Especially if they have glasses. Now, of course, the youth pastor always adds weird rules to make things more “fun”. These rules generally go like this: “Ok, it’s like normal dodgeball, but when I shout ‘jamboree hulla-balloo’ you can cross over to the other side and hit people with balls and touch the people who are already out so they can get back in and we’ll release wild badger to maul random people and, oh yeah, you can punch people. But only with the love of Jesus. So don’t anger the badger. The winning side gets a +4 handicap when we play our death match of Red Rover AFTER this…”
I guess I’m a board game guy. I like rules. Less chaos. They make things fun. Especially when playing games.
Love’s a game right?
So even though I’m totally not qualified to be righting this, I’m gonna point it out: Christians have a lot more rules when it comes to romantic relationships. Maybe as the outsider in the whole relationship things, I only see the weird rules but there seem to be so many! And I’m not talking about the obvious save-sex-for-marriage rules. There are some weird ones out there.
1. The guy must ask at least 5 people if he can marry the girl.
Ok, we all know he has to ask her dad if he can ask for her hand in marriage, but there’s a LOT of other people he’s gotta ask too. His best friend. Her best friend. His accountability partner(s). His pastor. His counselor. Their couples’ counselor. Oh yeah, and the girl (but really, by that time she has very little say). By that time, the secret’s about as well kept as the super bowl results. The worst part is they all ask the same question: “Are you sure???” Think about that.
2. They MUST do a bible study together.
This one can vary on whether the couple does a private, one-on-one bible study or whether they go to a group bible study “at the same time” (You do not go to a bible study as “couple” unless it is a “couple’s bible study”. Couple’s bible studies are strictly reserved for the married. In all other bible studies, all romantic relationships are temporarily cut off because God hates it when people try to love each other AND Him. They might get distracted.). But, hey, if they’re not showing some semblance of focusing on God in their relationships, that surely means they’re, you know, super worldly and physical and might be as far in as... well... kissing or something! Horrors!
3. They must “leave room for the Holy Spirit.”
Ah, the young and restless! Everyone knows that if two people of the opposite sex under the age of 40 touch each other in ways other than a “prayer hand-hold” or a “Christian back rub”, no matter how accidental, they’re instantly going to jump into bed with each other. They must stay at LEAST one bible-length away from each other. And not one of those little Gideon pocket Bibles or a thinline. No, we're talking the big, coffee-table sized family Bible with all the births and deaths and marriages since your great-great-great-grandfather, Leif Olafson, immigrated from Norswedemarklandia to Minnesota. Nobody ever can agree which country he came from.
4. The terms “dating” and “girlfriend/boyfriend” are taboo.
Hi Steve, who’s this sister in Christ you brought with you? What’s that? She’s more than a sister to you? Oh. Well, how long have you two been courting? I certainly hope you haven’t been ALONE with her, because that might mean you’re DATING. And she’s your GIRLFRIEND. Such worldly language! I mean, you might as well call her your “mistress” that you’ve been “fornicating” with. I mean, THAT’S the fast track to hell… So you’re courting, right? I’ll be happy to be your accountability partner when you struggle with lust in this romantic relationship.
I’m pretty sure Joshua Harris, Author of I Kissed Dating Good-bye, single-handedly created that last one. But you know what? As much as they’re goofy and fun to mock, these rules started SOMEWHERE. They are not arbitrary. There are good reasons to follow them, and it’s a slippery slope not to.
See, the key to these rules can be wrapped up in one word: purity. THAT’S worth following the rules for. Rules make things goofy. Rules make things fun. Rules make things pure.
So cheers. Here’s to Christian relationships and all the goofy, wild, stupid, crazy, amazing times that go with them.
What are some crazy things you’ve done for your Christian relationship?
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