Sunday, April 3, 2011

God's Favorite Instrument


Pipe organs drive me crazy.  Not the sound or anything.  That’s actually pretty cool.  But the fact that they look symmetrical if you aren’t paying attenting, but if you actually compare them, they AREN’T.  The longest pipe on one side is much longer than the corresponding longest pipe on the other.  It has this weird effect that makes me feel lopsided while I am in the same room as one. Plus, if you've ever heard a pipe organ play "Standing on the Promises", all you need to do is add a mad monkey playing crash cymbals and it can make you feel like you're riding a demon-possessed merry-go-round from Mary Poppins. It's bad enough that that movie is of the devil, it's even worse that this effect makes you want to go to the bathroom (so ease up on the communion grape juice).
But this is all beside the point - except for its being to defend my belief that (and I may be martyred for this but I stand by what I believe to be true) organ is not God’s favorite instrument.  It may have been Bach’s favorite instrument and Bach may have been God’s favorite composer (I know neither of these for a certainty) but it doesn’t follow that God would not have been equally, or more, pleased had Bach used his fugue-writing talents to compose fugal quartets for bagpipes.  It seems according to current trends, however, that if Bach were still composing today and wanted to be God’s favorite, his fugues would be written for guitar.  I don’t think God prefers electric or acoustic, but He asks that you have a soul patch (or really any facial hair), or a hat that looks like a prop from a movie set in the 1930s, or wear some sort of plaid while you play acoustic. And, of course, some "on-purpose bed head" and enough hair gel to immobilize a giraffe.  And Bach probably would have stuck with acoustic because the limitations of writing fugues for power chords so all aspiring but lazy electric guitarists could play them would have been too painful.  I do feel, though, that Bach’s look could have been dramatically improved by the addition of “the Crowder” (if you don’t know what that is, shame on you, you dirty heathen), a good plaid hat, and some flannel. Bach, too, would have to be addicted to coffee and would probably whip up a Venti Mocha Frappaccino multiple times while on stage.
The question of music in church is a matter of great contention and anger among Christians.  Hymns versus praise music, instruments versus a cappella, guitars, pianos, organs, tambourines, drums, electric, acoustic, loud, soft, simple, complex, choirs, pan flutes... Okay maybe that last one isn’t every debated.  But it’s a crying shame.  So here are some of the most underappreciated instruments in the world that I think need to be given more attention and maybe become God’s new favorite instrument:
Pan flute
This lovely, soft, airy instrument has a lovely, meditative sound, perfect for prayer times, communion and punctuating the sermon.  It’s such a gentle sound that it could even make a lovely, Hobbit-like soundtrack to illustrate things a little.  How great would a sermon on Psalm 23 be? (The Lord is my shepherd... *enter pan flute sweetly*)  The major downside is anything over 5 minutes would have the audience snoring peacefully and then nobody could hear the panflutes over the freight-train rumble of 85-year-old Bob Finkerton in the back row. Talk about making a Joyful Noise.
Rainsticks
This is potentially the most illustrative instrument in the world.  Right?  Right?  I mean, c’mon, all the song "Mercy is falling, is falling, is falling" (which, by the way, has about the same theological meaning as a turkey) is missing is a good rainstorm.  
Didgeridoo 
Those poor people down under don’t get enough love.  This instrument can scare the living daylights out of people if used in the right (or wrong, depending on the people) place. But that would wake up Mr. Finkerton who fell asleep during the pan flute solo (see above).  It lends such a nice tribal, ethnic sound to things. Plus, it's just a fun word to say, like "garbanzo bean". An Awesome God definitely needs an awesome didgeridoo.  
  
Bagpipes
This, for me, is the clear winner.  Who doesn’t feel like crying patriotically when they hear bagpipes?  We’re all Scottish at heart, right?  Michael W. Smith’s instrumental album Freedomfeatures the bagpipes strongly in the song Hibernia.  This man has done so much to promote this instrument as God’s new favorite and who are we to say nay to Michael W. Smith himself?  He’s the godfather of praise music! The problem is finding bagpipes players. Have you ever met a novice bagpipes player? Or met a bad bagpipes player? Or someone just learning the bagpipes? I think these people pop out of their mothers' wombs just KNOWING how to play. Or they spend long periods of time out alone. Learning the bagpipes. Where no one can hear them. But that's ok  because, what's that? Bagpipes are DEAFENING indoors you say?  Did you?  I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!! THE BAGPIPES ARE DROWNING YOU OUT!!!!  LALALALA!!! IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
But seriously, folks, you want my real, down-to-earth opinion about what is the most underused instrument in worship these days?  

The people.
Everything about them.  Their voices, their hearts, their attitudes, their thoughts.  We spend so much time arguing about how the band (or lack thereof) should play, that we lose sight of the true  purpose of worship.  It drives me crazy when people say some form of music is unbiblical or unworshipful. It’s true, God doesn’t mention any guitars in the Bible.  Guitars weren’t invented yet.  But lots of other, modern (at the time), crazy instruments are mentioned.  The only thing God wants of us is us.  “O come let us sing for joy to the Lord, let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation.  Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” (Psalm 95:1-2)  “Sing to the Lord a new song; song to the Lord, all the earth.” (Psalm 96:1)  “Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre.  Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; Praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe.” (Psalm 150:3-4).  
Your heart, praising Him, whether your voice is on key, whether you are a virtuosic pianist or a young guitarist leading a few friends, whether you are on stage, in the congregation, in your car, in your room, at work, at school, is His favorite instrument.

So other than you, what do you think is the most under-appreciated instrument in worship music today?  

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